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Dating Online: First Message Advice

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ONLINE DATING: IMAGE GUIDELINES When you try to type your first online dating message to someone who attracted your attention after signing up on a site or creating a profile, you become frozen. Should you just say hello to someone to see if they respond? Should you hold off till they first dive?

Even though you probably have a lot of other concerns, don’t let them prevent you from approaching someone who immediately draws your attention.

The initial communication is critical to the success of online dating. Consider that you are the home team in a baseball game and that you are at bat. It’s a full count, the bases are loaded, and your side is down one run. Do you let your anxiety and dread to affect you? Of course you don’t if your goal is success! You wait for the right pitch, take a swing, and cross your fingers.

great advice on writing your online dating first message is widespread, and it’s rather simpler than you may imagine. It’s simple to overthink it and produce excessive amounts of it, but that’s a mistake! We’ll demonstrate for you how to create a straightforward, powerful message that, above all, produces results. Even if it doesn’t lead to a home run every time, you’ll still advance to second base.

Okay, enough with the sports jargon; let’s get you prepared to deliver a thoughtful message!
first online dating message

THE TEXT Don’t overdo the title while you’re writing your initial online dating message. Keep it brief and to the point and let the remainder of your message speak for itself. Here are some examples of titles you might use:

The information in your profile indicates that we have a lot in common, thus you caught my attention. However, refrain from saying things like “hello sexy” or “your physique is so hot.”

THE VERY FIRST LINE It’s crucial to start your first online dating message off on the correct foot. You want to sound approachable but not bonkers. I would advise making a simple introduction by saying hi, asking how they are, and/or introducing yourself. You might also mention something about their profile that you found intriguing. For instance:

Hello! My name is Tori, and I can tell by our shared musical preferences.
Here is an illustration of how not to write:
Hello sweet thing, I’m exactly what you need.

Here is yet more illustration of how not to write: You are aware that I am wealthy because to the the watches I wear. When you read that, you undoubtedly laughed, but it really does happen. You not only come across as selfish and pompous, but your uneducated typing style makes you appear illiterate as well. Do yourself a favor and take the time to spell out words, even if you are using your phone, after reading the person’s profile before writing anything.

Speaking of appearances, use caution .

It’s acceptable to compliment someone on their appearance if you do so in a refined manner. You don’t want this to be the main focus of your message, but if you phrase it well, it might help you get some favor. Something as unthreatening as saying, “You look gorgeous in your images,” or “You look extremely good in that outfit,” lets the other person know that you are attracted to them physically.

Save such compliments for a phone call or a date rather than the first online dating message if you are unsure of how you will come across in text. You need to balance your content so that you express interest in more than just the person’s appearance, even if you are very drawn to their images. You would not want to write the following:

I’m just speechless at how attractive you are. You need a body that can move. I’ve always wished I could find someone as attractive as you.

The issue with these words is that they give the impression that you are just interested in someone’s attractive body and are physically fixated on them.

ASSESS COMMON GROUND Finding some common ground might help to reduce awkwardness in the first online dating messages and pave the way for a wonderful conversation to start. Examine the person’s musical preferences, reading preferences, educational background, line of work, and any other details they have chosen to make public. Let’s take an example where you find someone you want to message but are unsure about what to say. You read their profile and find out they enjoy Italian cuisine. Make a connection using that information, and check whether you receive a response. For instance:

I’m ____, and I enjoyed reading your profile very much. You like Italian food, and I do too, I see! Do you have a preferred dining establishment or dish? I frequently visit ___ because they have scrumptious ravioli.

This illustration is succinct, direct, and to the point. You have introduced yourself, expressed your liking for the person’s profile, and formed a relationship in just four short phrases. You create the possibility for a dialogue to start by posing a query. This example can be readily modified to meet comparable sporting hobbies, musical preferences, or whatever else you find to be interesting.


Spend a little time sharing information about yourself that may not have been mentioned in your profile with the person. If you listed hiking as one of your favorite activities, for instance, describe a hike you particularly enjoyed or one you would like to take in the future. By doing this, you come across as more approachable and might catch the reader’s attention.

Let’s expand on the prior example:

You look fantastic in your photos, by the way! You seem to have had a great time at the lake. Since I usually hike in the summer, I haven’t gone to a lake in a while, but I’d like to go boating at some point this year. Since I work five days a week, there never seems to be enough time for activities. In terms of your profession, I see that you write, which seems fantastic! Do you have a favorite subject to write about?

THE FIRST ONLINE DATING MESSAGE IS ENDED It’s time to wrap up and leave this message now. You’ll see that the aforementioned sample is just the right length—neither too long nor too short. The secret is to balance the message with just enough details for them to want to respond in writing. If you don’t write enough, you run the danger of looking uncommunicative and like you haven’t read their profile, whereas writing too much could seem overwhelming. Everyone has a distinct writing style, so feel free to experiment and type as you like as long as you keep in mind the preceding advice for concluding your first online dating letter!

There is no requirement that your message’s conclusion be elaborate. I wouldn’t just say goodbye, but I also wouldn’t write a sob story warning you that if you don’t react, I’ll be devastated and think you’re shallow. An example of what you could write is as follows:

I sincerely hope you are doing well and I hope to hear from you soon. Enjoy your day!
I suggest writing your first name at the bottom of the message after that.

GAME OF WAITING It’s time to wait and see if you receive a response to your first online dating message. You might be able to determine whether the other person read your message or not, depending on the online dating service you have used. Remember that folks might not reply straight away if they are in a meeting or at work.

I’d allow them at least a couple of days to react. Online dating sites often display the person’s most recent log-in time. Don’t keep messaging the person if there is no answer. Both your situation and your mood will not improve as a result of this. Instead, keep searching for another wonderful individual to write to.

Still feel as though your efforts have been in vain? Find out if you are using one of the online dating messages you should never send or why online dating isn’t working for you.

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